Dan Green, Ph.D., Clinical Director, New Life Resources, Inc.

What is a Difficult Person? Difficult people are...

• Irritating, Annoying ???

• Selfish, Self-Centered ???

• Demanding, Too Needy ???

• Controlling???

• Shaming???

• Abusive ???

• Different !!!

Who are Our Difficult People?

• Friends ?

• Parents, Siblings, Other Relatives ?

• Children ?

• Ex ...?

• Stepchildren ?

• Colleagues/Supervisors/Subordinates ?

• Ourselves ???

Jesus Lived with Difficult People

• He was frustrated with his disciples

• He was criticized for his choice of company

• He was giving, served others

• He set boundaries in his relationships

• He had close friends, a wider circle of friends, and acquaintances

• He was hated by many

Jesus replied: "‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Matthew 22:37-39

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self- seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

• Made in God’s image

• Fallen

• Redeemable

• Responsible for ourselves

• Physical, emotional, mental, social, spiritual

• Defended – trying to balance being open & known with being safe & protected

• Dependent – on someone or something

• Using the strategies for coping they have learned in life, Most are doing the best they can

Who’s Responsible?

I am responsible for...

how I treat myself, and

how I treat others.

I am not responsible for...

how others treat me,

how others treat others, and

how others treat themselves.

Boundaries

What I Can Not Do...

" take away their pain

" make up for their loss

" save them, fix them

" make them make good choices

" make them understand what is real

" make them understand my perspective

Boundaries

What I Can Do...

" listen

" pray with them, for them

" speak the truth, stay in reality

" set and maintain boundaries

" seek support for ourselves

" model love, righteous living

" be present during grief

" show caring

" love them

Circle of Relationships

"You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matthew 5:43-48

Humans do not generate love – humans receive love and distribute love.

We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19

Be Replenished

Relationships are...

" depleting,

" benign, or

" replenishing

How many relationships do I have that are...?

Where am I replenished?

’ recognize the wrong that has occurred

’ recognize the offender’s responsibility for the wrongdoing and their need for forgiveness

’ choose to let go of my option to punish the wrongdoer

’ apply the forgiveness God has offered to me

’ build a new relationship with the wrongdoer

T changing my dependencies

T changing my heart

T changing my mind

T maturing

to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ (Eph 4:12 -15)

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." John 13:34,35

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Last modified: March 10, 2005