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"Plan B" Contentment How to Cope When "Plan A" Doesn't Work Out (c)Ingrid Lawrenz, M.S.W. reprinted from Just Between Us magazine The Garden of Eden was God's perfect "Plan A." In the beginning all was good. Humanity was in perfect unity with God, other people and even the natural world. God walked in the garden with Adam and Eve. There was no shame, no pain, and no conflict. But they wanted their own plan. They wanted power and control but they got disappointment and disconnection. The Bible says "in all things God works for the good of those who love him." He rescued us from our own best laid 'plan'. He gave us Jesus as a way back to His "Plan A" with a 're'-creative plan for a new heaven and earth. In the meantime due to the frustrations of all creation by sin we have to continually create "Plan B's" in our lives. We long for and hope for perfect unity in our churches, children who are problem free, spouses who never disappoint us, and the fulfillment of all our dreams. Hope is essential - but character and peace are built when present difficulties force us into a resilient creative "Plan B" mode. A key way of experiencing contentment in your life is learning how to develop and accept the inevitable changes from what we expect in life. Karen, a mother of three, married her high school sweetheart after they both graduated from Bible college. They had plans for doing ministry together. Karen always thought she'd be well provided for and could depend on Jim for direction. She was going to be the supportive, happy wife. However, Jim developed some health problems, he started neglecting church activities and was dangerously close to addictive behaviors. His career was on again, off again, with poor salary and benefits. Gradually he became more depressed and withdrawn. Karen was overly focused on Jim, trying to convince him to change and fix him. Her own life was boring and their kids were showing behavior problems in school. Karen never thought her life would be like this. She had a choice to make - stick with "Plan A" and keep demanding he change no matter how bitter or sad her own life became and take the kids down with her. Or develop a "Plan B." "Plan A" was to depend on a man to take care of her and meet her needs. "Plan B" was to discover what strengths and abilities God had given her. Karen chose to keep praying for "Plan A" but move on to "Plan B" because she knew she was responsible before God for her own life. She found a job in sales to help support the family, chose to attend church even if her husband didn't come and volunteered for a ministry with the disabled. Karen never dreamed she'd be a working mother or that she could socialize without Jim. However, "Plan B" helped her and her family. The kids started to take on more responsibility at home and seemed more secure at the same time. Karen's self confidence increased and she was delighted to feel happy again. Even Jim withdrew less as he felt less pressured to perform and the communication in their marriage deepened. "Plan B's" will look different in everyone's life but we all are challenged to face them at some time or another. Our ability to adjust and allow God to teach us through them will lead to a life of more peace and contentment. The apostle Paul said he had learned to be content in all circumstances. His "Plan A" certainly did not include shipwrecks, imprisonment or beatings. There are plenty of "Plan A" expectations in our lives. For instance, wanting to be the perfect pastor's wife, to be extroverted, socially sophisticated, great at up-front activities and gifted in music and organization. However, if that is not the kind of person you are, you can't remake your personality. "Plan B" develops as you accept yourself as who God made you to be and discover your own gifts, and then conclude that that was "Plan A" all along. "Plan A" is to have a sunny, active, outdoors vacation. "Plan B" is adjusting when the days turn out rainy, staying inside and learning how to relax and bond as a family. "Plan A" is to have a warm, delightful "family night," while "Plan B" is to learn to control your temper when constant arguments ensue. No one has as their first choice a child with severe learning disabilities, regularly ruined plans due to bouts of migraine headaches, a spouse who is verbally cruel, having to leave a pastorate ministry or a 25-year marriage ending in an unwanted and unexpected divorce. People can become angry, bitter and even lose faith following a loss or when their hopes and expectations are not met. Circumstances like these can seemingly ruin your life or make you feel like a helpless victim. You can dig in your heels refusing to be happy until the problem is fixed - and you will be unhappy. Or you can seek to find contentment in a Plan "B." When "Plan A" fails we feel a loss of control. Coming to a point of saying "I never imagined my life ending up this way." It can also lead to a loss of purpose or direction. Developing a "Plan B" with God, helps us with both control and purpose. People can become severely depressed when they are without a sense of control or purpose. First a time of grieving is needed. Grieving is the agonizing, soul-crying work of adjusting to a loss. Grieving may be brief following a disappointment or years following a death or divorce. People vary greatly in how much time they need to grieve. Re-creative hope might start with a prayer like this: Lord Jesus, I am so sad, and angry about this situation. It was not in my plans for things to turn out this way. I know you are not causing it to punish me, nor was it in your plan for any of us to have to deal with this kind of pain. Thank you for hearing and understanding my feelings. Please help me to have the courage to change the things I can change. Please help me to let go (forgive if I need to forgive) and move on when I know I've done all I can. Lord, if my expectations are the only thing I have in my control to change, help me let go of those expectations. Please help me to live with disappointments but not become disappointed with all of life. I need your help Lord with a new plan - so I can live well, see what is good, learn, grow and minister. What purpose do you want my life to be about now? Please give me Your wisdom and strength. Amen Then you can write out an inventory of options, choices, spiritual gifts, resources, likes, dislikes, and needs. Practicing coming up with creative "Plan B's" for the little changes will develop a godly contentment and character that will help us cope with Major "Plan A" disappointments. We can do this because we know God's ultimate "Plan A" is our future hope and reality. |
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