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Prayer Paralysis (c)Ingrid Lawrenz, M.S.W. reprinted from Just Between Us magazine There are many obstacles to prayer; busyness, anger; interruptions, tiredness, to name a few. However, there is something that can stir in the heart that will drive us to pray or give us prayer paralysis. It is the experience of shame. Guilt is a fact-the truth that we do indeed sin. When it works well, shame points out the fact of guilt, but in an imperfect world, things don't work so neatly. Some people are guilty and feel no shame; while others are not guilty of any sin yet feel constant shame. Because these are spiritual issues they will profoundly affect our prayer lives. For instance, many of you who are pastors' wives can relate to this: you're sitting in church listening to your husband preach, then he accidentally fumbles and makes a mistake. It may be a simple mix up of words or a point that comes out all wrong. At that moment you sense many eyes on you. You have not sinned, yet you feel exposed, watched, scrutinized, for your reaction. You may feel frozen and then comes the strong desire just to disappear under the pew. You are experiencing shame though you are not guilty. The emotion of shame can range on a continuum from simple shyness and embarrassment all the way to humiliation and self-loathing. Shame cries out for an end. It can be painful, gut-aching, heart-wrenching internal agony. You feel frozen in place. When Adam and Eve sinned their shame told them to hide, to cover and run. Shame drove King David to sin more in trying to disguise his guilt. Shame hates to be seen. It makes you feel exposed, dirty, disgusting, and rejected. If through shame we discover real guilt, the solution is found in forgiveness. God wipes us clean and we need no longer hide (Rom. 8:1-4). Christ bore our sins and shame on the cross. Hebrews 12:2 says he scorned the shame of the cross. Yet Satan who is called the 'Accuser' haunts us with shaming accusations meant to make us hide, cower and fear when approaching our only hope, Jesus Christ. Satan will tell us how disappointed God is with us and how useless and worthless we and our puny prayers are to Him. He wants to freeze out our prayer life. I often feel like my life, my words, my actions are wild and hard to tame. I feel like a three year old trying to ride a two wheeled bicycle. I am under-developed, limited and weak. Try as I might to balance my life, or only speak love and truth, and keep to the steady course, I fall and crash. I can look to my Father's face and find patience, forgiveness, forbearance, encouragement, and help or I can listen to the 'Accuser' and think my Father is too disgusted with me to even look at me. I can imagine disapproval, high expectations without grace and a cold shoulder, or I can see the heavenly Father as he really is. Shame can humble us and make us more dependent on Him or it can drive us to depression, 'works' righteousness or hiding (Psalm 25:1-7). The child who is constantly over corrected, over scrutinized, pressured to be perfect or not allowed to be a kid may become paralyzed and then stop trying. Development is stunted. The child so fears further disappointing his or her parents that the shame paralyzes him or her from trying. The self now turns to the self in contempt and critical analyzing. The self watches the self with a look of disappointment and disgust. This contemptuous self appraisal can stay fixed through adulthood. Salvation, repentance and forgiveness are welcomed but not fully embraced because God is now too easily seen as the critical judge. Prayer becomes paralyzed because shame's over self-consciousness blocks free expression. The self tries to run and hide from the self. For victory over shame's trap the critical self needs to repent of self contempt and see it as sin to constantly be drawn inward to criticize oneself. The whole person needs to be reconnected to and reconciled with God (see 1 Corinthians 5:17-21). Shame comes after a sense of rejection or disconnection from important people in our life. We then reject or disconnect from ourselves such that we do not forgive ourselves of things God has forgiven us. We can hold on to these 'proofs of our worthlessness' and experience a constant state of the emotion of shame. Disconnected from our selves we are 'off line' with our Father. Prayer becomes empty and hollow. Sometimes we pray as though God did not actually exist- repeatedly begging a higher power for forgiveness about something He has actually already granted. We then need to see the emotion of shame as a stumbling block to reconnection to God. Shame's message becomes a false emotional signal. We need to see it as a lie so we can move past it and enjoy fellowship with God. "Those who look to Him are radiant. Their faces are never covered with shame" (Psalm 34:15). So then, here are two extremes to be avoided in order to prevent prayer paralysis. On the one hand we must not squelch the kind of healthy shame that moves us to repentance when we have sinned, and on the other hand, we must not let the Accuser so demean us that we avoid God because that is easier than sensing the pain of feeling inadequate and dirty. God wants us to pray to him, to pray with trust and freedom and ease. Let us all throw off the shame that hinders us, so we can pray uninhibited and free. Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and prefecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1-3 |
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