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Pastoral Care Series
Tuesday, October 19, 1999
Guilt and Shame in
Christian Perspective
Dan Green, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist and Clinical Director
New Life Resources, Inc., Waukesha, WI
(262) 782-1474
Definitions from Why Do I Feel Like Hiding? and Encountering Shame
and Guilt by Dan Green & Mel Lawrenz
"I sometimes think that shame, mere awkward, senseless shame, does
as much towards preventing good acts and straightforward happiness as any of
our vices can do." C.S. Lewis
GUILT 2 the fact of wrongdoing,
being wrong
MORAL SHAME 2 regret or remorse for
having done wrong
IMPOSED SHAME 2 disgrace or
devaluation inflicted by another
NATURAL SHAME 2 a sense of
limitation, fallibility, humility
GUILT: objective
Is the fact of being in the wrong
Is a reality whether or not the person is aware
Is the root human problem
Is not based on perception or experience
SHAME: subjective
Is the experience of feeling wrong
Is an emotion
Is a real experience
Is the consequent human problem
SHAME DISCONNECTION
MORAL SHAME ,I am
responsible for the disconnection
IMPOSED SHAME ,Someone
else is responsible for the disconnection
NATURAL SHAME ,Our fallen
human nature is responsible for the disconnection
Shame Is Resolved With RECONNECTION
With another person?
With the imposer?
With ourselves?
With truth?
With God!
Moral Shame
moral sensitively, God created, the "conscience
may be mild or severe
may be short or long term experience
requires acceptance of responsibility and confession in order to
seek forgiveness
RESOLVING MORAL SHAME
identify the feeling of shame
who is responsible for the disconnection?
accept responsibility for ones own behavior
own and resolve feelings
Confess: God, Self, Other (if appropriate)
Forgiveness
Restitution/Correction
IMPOSED SHAME
Our need to reconnect leaves us vulnerable to imposed shame.
IMPOSED SHAME DISTORTS OUR KNOWLEDGE OF...
Ourselves, Others, Truth, Reality, God
WE NEED TO DISCERN BETWEEN...
What we are responsible for and What we are not responsible
for
I AM RESPONSIBLE for...
how I treat myself
how I treat others
I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE for...
how others treat me
how others treat others
how others treat themselves
RESOLVING IMPOSED SHAME
1. Identify and accept presence of shame
2. Attribute responsibility for the disconnection.
a. hold other responsible for their part
b. hold self responsible for own part
3. Identify, own, resolve all emotional reactions.
4. Use anger to re-establish boundaries.
5. Learn to accept love.
6. Confront the imposer (in person or symbolic)
a. confess personal responsibility
b. identify the responsibility of the person imposing shame
7. Forgive and accept forgiveness
a. receive from God
b. self
c. others
8. Rebuild relationship in truth, love, and grace.
TOOLS FOR REDUCING IMPOSED SHAME
Refocus attention outside of self
Reality check
Journal
Reframe
Anger expression and resolution
Connect with what is real
NATURAL SHAME
Our fallen human nature is responsible for the disconnection
Sin left us disconnected from Gods image
Chronic state, not dependent upon our or others actions
NATURAL SHAME IS EXPERIENCE WHEN...
We contemplate our weaknesses
We review our accomplishments and shortcoming
We realize lifes demands
We come up against our limitations
We face our humanness
THE VALUE OF NATURAL SHAME
Signals our need for something and someone greater than
ourselves
Signals our fundamental inadequacy
Signals our need for God
Signals our need for each other
RESOLUTION OF NATURAL SHAME - THE HUMBLE ACCEPTANCE OF...
Our constitutional limitations as human beings
Our need for a savior
Salvation, Redemption
Our daily dependence on God
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